In Other Words: Toxic Positity

We’ve all been there—facing challenges and hearing that familiar phrase: "Just stay positive!" At first glance, it seems like good advice. After all, who doesn’t want to be more optimistic, find the silver lining, and keep a smile even when things get tough? Healthy optimism has real value, especially in moments when the road ahead feels uncertain or dark. It helps lift our spirits, guides us through difficulties, and sometimes even brings humor into overwhelming situations.

But there’s a danger in confusing optimism with toxic positivity. While optimism encourages us to look for the good, toxic positivity demands we ignore difficult emotions. It's a kind of spiritual bypassing: instead of addressing pain, we mask it with a "good vibes only" mentality. That’s where the problem lies.

Self-Sabotage and Avoidance

Toxic positivity isn’t just about being overly cheerful; it’s emotional avoidance. When we use positivity to shield ourselves from difficult feelings, it becomes self-sabotage. Instead of confronting issues head-on, we hide them behind forced optimism.

The impact isn’t just personal—it affects others too. If we avoid talking about real problems, we become the friend who never vents, never explores deeper feelings, and doesn’t allow space for the messier parts of life. Instead of processing and finding solutions, we become the person who keeps others from doing the same. This kind of avoidance makes it hard to be the friend who needs to be held, who wants to explore problems and find solutions, or the one who simply needs to vent every now and then. Without that space, relationships become shallow, and real healing never takes place.

The Good Intentions Behind Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity could be expressed with good intentions. We want to protect others from discomfort, avoid seeming negative, or shield ourselves from vulnerability. It can come from a genuine desire to help—trying to lift someone’s spirits or lighten a heavy moment. But ignoring emotions doesn’t solve anything—it prolongs healing and prevents growth. It’s like trying to fill a leaky bucket without fixing the hole: no matter how much we try to cover it up, the problem remains.

We also have to consider that, for many, this kind of positivity is a coping mechanism. When the world feels overwhelmingly bleak—constant news cycles, climate anxiety, economic instability, social unrest—it’s no wonder some people turn towards excessive positivity as a kind of emotional survival strategy. In a time when it feels like everything is “too much, too often,” pushing discomfort aside can feel like the only way to stay afloat.

In this light, toxic positivity isn’t just about avoiding pain—it can also be a subconscious response to a world that constantly threatens to overwhelm us. Instead of being able to fully process the negativity around us, we reach for positivity like a life raft, even when it doesn’t hold. This isn’t failure—it’s a sign of emotional exhaustion.

But even when rooted in good intentions or understandable overwhelm, bypassing pain delays the deeper work. Optimism is helpful, but when we overuse it to dismiss painful feelings, we miss out on the necessary process of emotional release. True healing can’t begin until we allow ourselves to feel the pain and work through it.

The Manipulative Side of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity isn’t just something we do to ourselves. It can be manipulative, used by others to control emotions or avoid difficult truths. Ever had someone tell you to "just think positive" when you’re struggling, or dismiss your feelings with “It could be worse”? In these cases, positivity isn’t supportive; it’s about invalidating emotions to avoid addressing discomfort. This can lead to feelings of shame, as if there’s something wrong with being sad or upset.

When we’re pressured to stay positive at all costs, we miss out on the vital process of emotional healing. Our bodies and minds need to process painful emotions; without that space, they build up and can lead to stress, burnout, and even physical illness.

Toxic positivity also prevents us from engaging with the full human experience. Emotions—both positive and negative—are a part of life. Ignoring the tough stuff doesn’t make it go away; it just creates a barrier between what’s real and what’s desired. It’s not about rejecting positivity but embracing emotional authenticity.

Spotting Toxic Positivity in Your Life

Recognising toxic positivity is key to emotional growth. Healthy positivity encourages us to acknowledge reality while choosing to find hope. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, tries to bypass reality altogether.

Here are signs to look for:

• Dismissive comments: "It’ll get better," or "Everything happens for a reason."

• Pressure to be happy: "You just need to snap out of it."

• Shaming emotional discomfort: Framing sadness as something to "overcome."

• Avoidance of real conversations: Insisting on "staying positive" when deeper issues need attention.

If you notice any of these signs in yourself and others, ask yourself: What am I really feeling? Am I avoiding something important, or am I just trying to push through discomfort? Recognising these moments helps create space for authentic emotions, which can lead to real growth.

A Gentle Reminder: Embrace the Full Range of Emotions

It’s essential to remember that all emotions, both good and bad, are part of the human experience. It’s okay to feel sadness, frustration, or disappointment—it’s a necessary part of healing. When we honor our feelings, we create space for true emotional growth.

So, next time you find yourself or someone else caught in the "positive vibes only" trap, ask: Am I avoiding something here? Life is messy, and it’s okay to sit with discomfort, let emotions exist, and process them authentically.

There’s no need to cover up the cracks with a smile—that’s where real healing begins.